Sorry–And it’s Fading Meaning

I’m starting to despise the word “sorry”.

Have you ever tried counting how many times a day someone carelessly and rapidly uttered the two-syllable word, as if it were a curse for their presence to linger in pairs with the word?

I really do despise it.

The other week, on my way to class, I was pushed fairly hard by a girl in a rush. It wouldn’t have bothered me–that's a lie, it would have, but not as much, if she hadn’t said sorry. We were all rushing to get to class, drowning in a sea of our peers, and I understood her urgency, but something about her “sorry” being left with me while she was already fading out of my line of vision caused me to think. She is the reason I began thinking of writing about this in the first place, so I guess I should thank her for the inspiration.

You might be asking, “Lincey, why do you feel a certain way about someone saying sorry, when if they didn’t say anything at all, you would’ve been upset?”

Well, maybe I despise the word “sorry”, or perhaps I just don’t like it when there is no “I’m” before the “sorry”...Or it's possible that it wouldn’t have helped at all.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve truly been touched by the words. Which might be silly, because people lie all the time. Someone could look me in my eyes, hold my hands, and surrender both their “I’m” and their “sorry” to me, and be lying right to my face. So, why should I care about the fading meaning of the word when its use can otherwise be fake at any time?

To this, I answer, I have absolutely no idea, I just do.

What I do know is that I can’t talk about this without acknowledging the fact that I also play a part in the negligence of the word. I always apologize for things I don’t even need to apologize for. I’ve been doing it less, though, a self-imposed challenge to rewire my brain into refinding the true meaning of an apology. The kind of apology your kindergarten teacher would bring you and your best friend out into the halls for after a disagreement on what game to play, a tear shed down our little faces, followed by a hug, we understood then what an apology was.

Google says sorry means:

• 1. feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune.

• 2. feeling regret or penitence.

Yet, we treat it as a chore–something we think we’re supposed to say. There is a lack of regret and sympathy in the way it is meant to be used versus how we use it. There is no eye contact, no intimacy, no intention. It’s almost a default word now. No person is to blame, I think, for the way the word has shifted; it just has.

​For myself, and for anyone whom I may need to apologize to in the future, I am attempting to stop the unnecessary use of the word “sorry”. I want my sorry to hold space, to radiate the true sympathy, regret, and intention I mean when I speak them, and I hope this entry has brought you to the same conclusion.